I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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