I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize