Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
