he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
