it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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