i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize