Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
