I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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