I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
