this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
