Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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