so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize