We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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