so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
