you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
