Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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