You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
