Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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