My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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