If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
