I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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