So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
