So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
