you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
