I got chris browned last night
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
