Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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