She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize