So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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