How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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