i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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