she peed on how many people?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize