ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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