Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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