1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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