Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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