first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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