My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
