Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
