I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
