if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
