just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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