Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
