People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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