If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
