she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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