i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
