she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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