god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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