Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
A+ Viking dick
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
