Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
