She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
