So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
