Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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