Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
