Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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