i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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