Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
