theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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