what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
