Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
