I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
