To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
