i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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