at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
