Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
