I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ketchup is God's man juice
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
