i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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