She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
