ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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