yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
