im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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